I was feeling a bit nostalgic over the weekend and decided to peruse my blog of former posts. It was wonderful to see all the school activities, family vacations and other things that reflected a time when I lived more outside the box. My current groove feels like a fast treadmill on a cold dreary day. No frills just going through the motions begrudgingly. How sad!
Updates! After a lot of prayer and tears I’ve decided to enroll all of the boys into traditional school next year. Oh man was this a difficult decision. Why you may ask! Well the answer is sort of long but I will try to type a shortened version via bullet points. So here are my reasons is no particular order:
- I’ve noticed I’m losing my patience with my boys. The lack of patience has been ongoing for a while and after a year of it not going away I felt that I needed to change things up.
- My boys need more structure and activity then I can give at this time. Yes our homeschool has structure and some activity but they need more than I can give at the moment.
- Somewhere along the way I lost the magic. By magic I mean the heart of really tackling each day with passion. My daily lessons unfortunately turned into a no frills let’s just get this done sort of thing. There are seasons when you find yourself in a rut but it should not continue for long periods of time. In my case an entire school year. Sad I know.
- Didn’t know attending grad school part time would take up so much of my energy.
- Education laws and rules are always changing and I got scared that I wouldn’t be able to cut it. How I let the devil in my head with this one I don’t know.
- I’m tired and suffering from major burn out. I know that’s part of it. We homeschool moms are always tired. We are always trying something new, attacking an area that needs work. But I was feeling something different that I can’t easily explain. I’m done, even though I don’t want to be.
- For the 2014-2015 school year I tried something different enrolling the boys in a university model type school. With this program I did not have to plan any curriculum I only needed to follow the guidelines and make sure the boys turned in their work. I started the school year thinking this would be the answer for me. It was not. The boys did well, but the still small voice within me was still saying its time to let go. (No I don’t want to. I’m not ready. There are still so many things I want to do and share with them). The conversations with myself were endless. But nothing changed. No glimmer of hope, no light at the end of the tunnel. Nothing signaled me that what I was feeling was just an emotional blip that would pass.
- I need a break. I need a space to hear my own thoughts and pursue other things. I would like to go to the doctor, the bank, etc. without carrying three boys with me. Perhaps that sounds selfish, silly or petty. I can’t believe I just typed that. But in the spirit on standing in my truth I’m going to keep it there.
- The boys need a different environment. Some of the character issues we have in our home stem from our setup. It will be good for them to experience a different environment. One where mom is not always the teacher. The change will help them to appreciate what they have and be exposed to something different.
My younger two will be one campus and my oldest will be on the middle school campus. I’ve registered everyone online but still have to go down for the formal registration and turn in shot records etc.
Please keep us in your prayers as this is definitely a time of transition for all of us. During this time there have been many, many tears for me and I’m sure many more to come but I know that God will see us through. I’ve signed up at both campuses to be apart of the PTO. When I was growing up it was PTA. I figure I’ve been very involved in their education up till now I might as well keep that up.
In the meantime, I hired a tutor (a teacher from our ISD) to work with Christopher over the summer. I shared the boys yearly standardized test results with him and he feels that boys are each doing great. That was a huge relief. Christopher is a little behind with his writing but he is working on that. The tutor stated that Christopher has great ideas but translating them from thoughts in his head to words on a page need a little more developing. He said that’s difficult for many kids especially boys. I decided to hire a male tutor because I thought there might be a difference in the lessons. And wouldn’t you know this tutor can get Christopher to do things that mommy can’t. Thank God for help! Based on Emmanuel’s test scores the tutor feels that Emmanuel will be placed in gifted and talented when the year begins.
So that’s an update on the happenings around here. Talk to you soon.