Happy new year! I’m thankful to see a new year but I can’t begin this new year without reviewing 2014.
2014 began with me attending a homeschool moms conference. Many times along this homeschool journey my self confidence has taken many hits. I decided to begin 2014 investing in myself as a confidence booster. Coincidentally I choose to focus on one word for the year. Instead of creating resolutions I chose to focus on that word and how the lack of self-confidence affected many other areas of my life. That led me to read a book written by Roxanne Parks the organizer of the conference. I memorized scriptures to remind me of God’s providence. Each week I would write one scripture on my mirror in the bathroom to meditate on. One of the scriptures that sticks out to me was Phil 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.
I can not recap all the years events but 2014 was eventful. Joshua got pneumonia, we had home renovations, Christopher had two surgeries and Emmanuel was very sick twice, our fish died, lastly my mother’s side of the family had a family reunion, I think its been over 20 years since our last family reunion.
Another area that stands out to me is my marriage. My marriage was really stretched this past year. Marriage is a journey and the longer your united the more obstacles you’ll encounter along the way. One area that has been a stressor between us is my desire to have more children. Yes,I would like more children. As crazy as that may sound I’ve always wanted a large family. When we first got married my husband did not want as many kids as I however we agreed that we would have four and then decide if we would have any more children. Well we never got to four kids because along the way my husband felt like we had reached our capacity. This has been a very sad reality to live with. My husband is the head of our home and trusting God that he is making the right choice when my heart believes we should go another direction has been extremely difficult. Submission is not easy. Well this year I fell like I’m finally moving beyond that. Oh it has been a journey filled with tears, anger, frustration and long talks. Some people don’t understand my desire to have more children, while others are sympathetic to my situation. Anyway I feel that I’m getting to a point where I can actually talk about it without breaking down into tears. Most days I’m okay with our decision but whenever I see a little girl something happens to me. Growing up as an only child, I just knew I would have a little girl. I was certain of it. My heart was prepared for a little girl and so when that day never came I was stuck on all the missed possibilities. Don’t get me wrong, I love being a boys mom. Boys are great and according to some they are a lot easier to raise than girls. I don’t know but I’m grateful for my little guys I just always thought a little girl would be part of my lot.
Aging parents has also been a pull on my marriage. Both hubby and I only have our mothers left and both of them are well and vibrant women. However there is a shift happening and determining which direction to go next has not been easy. About a year ago my mother in law left Nigeria to retire in America. We are helping her get acclimated to life here in America but her being here has caused us to have some deep conversations like who should she live with, should we get a bigger house, what about health insurance etc. etc. etc.. Caring for an aging parent is a lot. I wish there were more literature on the subject for people my age. There are so many things you don’t even think about until you are in the situation. I always knew I would have to care for my parents but for some reason I always assumed that time would happen when my children were grown and gone not while I was in the midst of starting my own family.
If the above was not enough. I applied and was accepted into graduate school. My first semester is over and currently I have a 4.0 GPA. My hopes are that I can maintain a 4.0 throughout graduate school.
My children are growing and doing well. Christopher turned 10, Joshua turned five and in a few days Emmanuel will be seven. These boys are growing up too quickly. They are doing well in school and maturing into little men.
Last year my focus was on self confidence this year my word is marriage. I am going to work on my marriage. I feel that there are so many ways we can take our spouses for granted and we miss so many opportunities to connect. 2015 is going to be a year for me to really focus on how I can improve my perspective about my marriage. Although I wouldn’t describe our relationship as in trouble I do see some areas that I can improve upon.
I’m really looking forward to 2015 and all that it has to offer.
The boys start back school on the sixth and I begin my second semester of graduate school on the 20th. This winter break has been full of rest and relaxation for me. I’ve been busy at the sewing machine and catching up on recorded television programs and getting my household ready for the next semester. Can’t wait to catch up with you all and share what’s happening with us for 2015.
Happy New Year